Tony Penultimate

The Knife, the Potato and the Windscreen Wiper

I arrived home yesterday after an eventful journey from Newcastle and made it to my daughters sports day in time - albeit a bit zonked.  My wife gave me the news that one of the windscreen wipers on our car (drivers side) had broken, followed by a phone call from the Ukes saying we’d been asked to appear on the Chris Evans breakfast show on Monday morning.  This posed a conundrum as, since we are a two car family (more accurately a two ‘banger’ family, I need a car to get to gigs and my wife needs a car to get our daughter to school, have a life etc) - we technically only had one roadworthy car. 

The weather forecast said the weather was going to be fine, so I decided to take the car with the broken windscreen wiper up to London, stay with my brother the night before and be up early for an eight AM call and the BBC in central London. 

I feel ridiculous reporting this, but I’d also got into a chat with one of the fathers at the sports day and told him about my predicament with the windscreen wiper. He told me his father (an ex military policeman during the war) told him that cutting a potato in half and smearing the juice all over the windscreen helped the water run off the screen.

Fortified by this knowledge, plus the predicted clear weather, I set off for London on Sunday evening with a suitably potato smeared windscreen.  Needless to say within fifteen minutes, the first fat drop of rain splattered onto the screen and within 10 minutes, I was driving at a forty five degree angle as I tried to see out of the other side of the screen.  Despite attempts to ‘freshen up’ the pototo juice on the screen by smearing on more from the drivers side window (I’ve got long arms) I can report that its a complete load of twaddle.

I arrived in London safely, had a good kip and am now sitting in a cafe near the BBC having just done the show with George and Leisa.  We vaguely know Chris Evans having worked on a show with him about ten years ago - he’e showing his age a bit, but then so are we! 


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